New Leaves

It has been six weeks since I left my full-time job. My sabatical is underway. I plan to take another six weeks before I decide how to move forward. I have been busy visiting family, supporting friends, helping my youngest son prepare for college, and doing consulting work for my business. But despite having things to do, I am in a state of limbo.

When I refer to being in the state of limbo, it means I am in a situation caught between two stages of my life and it’s not clear what direction to go next. I decided to remain in this state because in the past I have made decisions too quickly, and then regretted my choice. For now, my plan is to remain in limbo until I have gathered more information and have a clearer way to move forward.

This seems to be an ideal, not having set expectations, but it’s proving to be uncomfortable. I have never considered myself to be a Type A personality, but I do consider myself a planner. My career has been series of plans I have manifested and with good results. But now, although I have been researching what I may like to do next, I am reluctant to start something until after my sabbatical ends. I don’t have a plan. I am letting each day unfold to see if something will happen that will guide me in a direction.

One thing I have discovered in this time of limbo is how much I value working. I’ve felt such stress at work, especially the last few years, and assumed not working would be the answer for increased happiness. However, I’ve determined I enjoy the work, but not always the environments I’ve worked in. I miss contributing and making a difference. Being in leadership roles can be draining, but they can also be fulfilling with a great sense of accomplishment.

I’ve been doing consulting work, but the work has been intermittent. I’d like to do more, but I’d need to increase my marketing and sales skills, which are two things I don’t enjoy. My downtime has made me notice I’m more social that I thought. I miss daily exchanges with people. I assumed working from home would be a good option for me, but it turns out that I miss getting ready for work, working, and returning back home. This revelation is actually surprising.

There is still more to discover on this journey. Retirement will happen, but it may not be for a while. Finding new path at my age will not be easy. Our society values youth and enthusiasm, not experience and wisdom. I don’t have the answers yet, but I’ll find them. Limbo won’t be forever, but embracing this time of uncertainty may be my best decision yet.