New Leaves

I am officially 90 days into my sabbitical. I plan to take another 30 days and then move forward with plans for the future. I left my last work situation feeling unsure what my next direction would be. My sabbitacal time has been profound with insight and growth. Not all of my issues have been resolved, but I do feel I am in a healthier, happier place than I was 90 days ago.

One of the goals I set when I started my sabbatical was to select a few books to read that I might help me understand previous choices, as well as move me into a new direction. My last job didn’t end the way I hoped and the experience left me feeling less confident. I also have a major life change occurring soon, where my youngest son leaves for college. Both of these situations created uncertainty and I wanted to find a way to process things better.

When I was working full time reading books wasn’t something I did much of. However, with extra time available I’ve been able to read several books during my sabbatical. Each book was selected for a different purpose and has helped me with my growth. I thought I’d share some books, as well as my take aways from them. The books are filled with a lot of information, so recanting all the details would be endless. Instead, I’ll share a few key points from each one.

What Got You Here Won’t Get You There by Marshall Goldsmith

This book has been on my husband’s book shelf for years. His work used to assign books for staff to read and this was one of them. I chose this book because at my last job there were issues regarding my performance that I needed clarity on. The book shares twenty transactional flaws or habits that can affect your performance. The flaws relate to interpersonal and leadership behaviors. There were several “flaws” I was able to identify that may have contributed to my performance issues. My identifiable flaws were: adding too much value (voicing my opinion on everything), clinging to the past (reminding others what worked in past experiences), and an excessive need to be ‘me’ (claiming my actions are due to my personality). Needless to say, recognizing these ‘flaws’ was humbling. Understanding the issues has been helpful. The book also provides suggestions for addressing the flaws and how make a change to do better. Although I am not working now, and may not be in a leadership role in the future, I now have clarity on what I could have done better and I feel good about that.

The Four Agreements by Don Miguel Ruiz

This book was referenced from another book I was reading, so I requested it from the library. It’s a small, easy to read book that shares inspirational thoughts based upon Toltec wisdom. The book offers four agreements to commit to that can change your life that and could lead to greater happiness. The four agreements are: be impeccable with your word, don’t take anything personally, don’t make assumptions, and always do your best. The agreements can be interpreted in many different ways, but how they have helped me most is how they have made me reduce destructive or unhelpful behaviors. For example, be impeccable with your word refers not only to others, but to yourself. I hadn’t realized how much negative self-talk I’d been doing until I read this agreement. Daily negative comments to myself about my personal appearance, abilities, and accomplishments now seem counterproductive. The things I would say to myself are things I would never say to a family member or friend. It reminded me to treat myself in the same loving way I would do others. Reviewing each agreement and making a commitment to follow them has had a positive impact on me.

The Let Them Theory by Mel Robbins

I chose this book because it’s quite popular and I wanted to see what the buzz about the book was. The book’s theory refers to focusing on what you can control rather than wasting time or energy on things you can’t. The section on relationships, specifically the section on motivating other people to change and helping someone who is struggling, were my biggest take aways. The book clarifies that people can’t be motivated to change. This concept has been a difficult one for me to accept, especially with regards to my personal relationships. It’s difficult when a person doesn’t see the need for change or is doing destructive or hurtful things that cause them or others to struggle. I’ve learned to speak less and reduce offering advice, opinions, and suggestions. Seeing someone struggle and knowing ways to make things better, but the person isn’t ready to make a change, can be trying at times. The urge to fix, correct, or manage a person can be strong, but I better understand how to ‘let them’ be who they are, and with much greater acceptance and less interference.

I’m grateful for my sabbattical. I’ve been able to spend time with family, friends, and former co-workers. I’ve also learned a lot about myself and have worked to make positive strides for my future. My journey continues.