New Leaves

The other day we had my oldest son and daughter-in-law over for dinner. During the dinner conversation my son told me he and his wife had been thinking about buying a home. As a matter of fact, they went to look at a few. They have been saving their money for a while, so it wasn’t really surprising. However, they never asked my husband or I for any advice, tips, or suggestions.

We understand our kids our adults they are not obligated to ask us anything. One of the biggest transitions to having adult children is how they no longer see their parents as the sole source for information. It’s wonderful that our kids are independent and do things on their own, but we couldn’t help to think how helpful our advice would be. We try not to offer advice unless asked and our kids don’t ask often.

My husband and I have been married over 30 years. We’ve learned a lot during our time together. I thought it would be nice to share the advice we would offer our kids, if they ever wanted to hear it.

Relationships

A good personal relationship means the two of you want the same things from the relationship. Dad and I like to chat several times a day. When we first dated, dad called me every day. He never made me feel I was asking too much or imposing. We always liked to spend a lot of time together and we still do.

Work to be the best version of yourself before getting serious with someone. If you need therapy, get therapy. If your career needs work, work on your career. Sometimes we meet people as we are still evolving and that’s okay, but keep working to be your best self.

Work/Career

If you are happy at your job, stay as long as you like. Another job may pay more, but happiness is priceless. However, if you find yourself dreading going to work and feel unhappy while you are there, then start thinking of working elsewhere. Retirement plans and benefits are great, but if your overall well being is negatively affected, it’s not worth it. Don’t quit one job unless you have another one lined up unless you can fully support yourself for three or more months.

Responsibilities

Being an adult means taking care of yourself and all the details involved with it. Pay your bills on time. Watch your spending. Save as much as you can. Before you add on new responsibilities like a new plant, pet, car, home or child ask yourself if you are ready all the obligations that go with the new choice. Impulsive decisions can lead to a lot of disappointment, frustration, and anxiety. The more you take on the greater the stress. Be sure to take that into consideration.

Friendships

The younger you are the easier it is to make and keep friends. As you age, your preferences, activities, and priorities change and you may lose touch with people that you were once close to. Healthy friendships are built on mutual respect and trust. They have open communication and are balanced with both parties actively participating. Be the type of friend you would like to have and then you’ll attract people who share your values. Be open to new friends, but don’t forget the long-standing friends who have supported you through the years.

Family

Family is more than the people who share your DNA. Family can be ties formed by blood, marriage, or a chosen group of individuals that form deep emotional connections. Your parents value our family connections and hope you will too. Express gratitude when family members reach out to you, offer gifts, or pay for things. Remember that you are a part of a wonderful family and have been blessed, just as we have been blessed with you.

I read somewhere that advice is gift. And as a gift, it should be given unconditionally, with nothing expected in return. The gift mentality helps my husband and I keep our egos in check, so we aren’t offended or hurt regarding giving advice. Our kids have no responsibility to ask for or use our advice, but if they do, we’ll be ready.