New Leaves

What would happen if I took six months to focus on my well-being without the worrying about work or additional responsibilities? This was the question I asked myself before I began my sabbatical 4 1/2 months ago. During my sabbatical, I have not found a new job or taken on any new commitments. What I have done is learned some valuable lessons about myself and my future.

A sabbatical appears a lot like retirement; however, the difference is that a sabbatical is a focused time of rejuvenation and growth with the intent to return to work and I do intend to return to work or volunteer. I’ve taken this time of reflection to heal, clarify, and learn. It’s been a challenging process, but I’ve made great strides.

During this time, I have learned some valuable lessons. Things I didn’t know about myself or the stage of life that I’m in. I thought I’d share them with you.

Transitions can cause grief whether they are planned or not.

I made the decision to leave a job that was no longer a good fit, but didn’t have a plan for what to do next. I thought I’d find another job or a plan would magically arrive. Neither of those things happened. Instead, I was filled with a sense of loss for my career, my identity, and my worth. My youngest son left for college which only added to my grief. Grief is a normal reaction to any significant loss, but I didn’t expect it. I have since realized that transitions are not always positive, even when planned for. They can be exhausting because you are in an in-between state with the new and old, combined with a fear of the unknown and loss of the familiar.

Letting go doesn’t magically happen.

Over the last few months, I’ve read several self-help books to help process my thoughts and emotions. Some have been very helpful. One of the most common themes in many of the books I’ve read is the concept of “letting go”. Letting go is the process of releasing the grip on painful memories, unhealthy thoughts, and a need for control. What I learned is that everyone has a different way of letting thing go. My process seems to take a lot longer than the average person, or at least the people I have spoken with. Many well-meaning people have said things like ” Just get over it.” or “It’s over, so why dwell on it?” For me, letting go hasn’t been a magical process that I could wave a wand and things would be better. It has taken time, refection, and patience with myself to allow understanding to happen.

Retirement or semi-retirement isn’t the same experience for everyone.

This concept is a big one. For as long as I have been working, there has been a big emphasis on retirement. Planning begins early in a career to ensure ideas for retirement are in place, especially financially. While my husband and I have planned our lives financially for when we retire, there hasn’t been enough thought, at least on my part, what not working or having kids in the home would look like. If one person is retired and the other is still working, that can be a factor to consider. Some people seem content in not working and doing very little and others have a long list of things they’d to do. Many retired folks are the happiest they have ever been, while others are lonely, bored, and confused. I’ve realized we all experience and expect different things from our lives. Retirement is a developmental phase in an adult’s life that’s not talked about much and we all experience this milestone differently.

My next steps are to take these lessons learned and try some things out. I’ve been looking into working with nonprofits, taking on new hobbies, reading more, and adding new travel plans to the future. I’m grateful to my family and friends who have supported me on this journey. It’s to be continued.